Mr Something Else and the Torch Batteries

Hello so called Friend, what’s Poppin’?

Fuck what a morning. They can never find a vein when they do my bloods. I dunno if its from a misspent youth or what but they always end up poking me full of holes, failing, going to get another phlebotomist, them poking me full of holes and usually when they end up calling in the senior phlebotomist they manage to get a couple of test tubes full of goo out of me in the end but now my arms and hands are all bruised and purple, hehehe, every fucking time? Urgh.Here’s the track I have been working on this past couple of weeks. I think it’s pretty good, what do you reckon?

So I have been cleaning my hovel. They are coming to do some work tomorrow and whilst it’s not an inspection I still like my place to be nice if strangers are coming in. Hey my garden is kicking ass!! The cherry tomatoes are about ten feet tall and thriving , the habernaro chillis are getting eaten as soon as they ripen and the potatoes are coming back after I jumped the gun and harvested them too early. Whilst out the front the tobacco is coming in just fine. I intend to make cigars this year as I don’t really smoke cigarettes any more but I reckon I could get maybe 40 or fifty decent cigars off these plants if my neighbors remain ignorant to what they are. We have CCTV but CCTV is fucking next to useless if you’ve already been robbed.

I’ve been out with a friend doing groceries. Things are so expensive in New Zealand. Meat, lamb, beef, chicken etc are now rich people food. You cannot get a single serving of some types of meat for under twenty dollars, times that by 4, 5 or 6 for a whole family and you are talking about 50 to 100 dollars worth of meat. It’s insane.

There was a homeless guy outside the supermarket today. he was camped out at the car park entrance, I think he may have had a sign. As I was turning in I stopped and asked if he wanted a beer. Most people give these guys packs of noodles or cans of baked beans or whatever but he said “No I don’t drink” so I said well do you want some food? (We call it “Kai” down here in Aotearoa) and he said yeah so i got him a baguette, sliced cheese, ham, coleslaw with a hot lasagne topper and a bunch of bananas (for his potassium requirements). Now, listen…. I am not a wealthy man. Every pay day, once I have met all my obligations, I have maybe 18 bucks to play with but I really do not mind using that 18 bucks to make someone elses day easier. I am not bragging, no-one reads this and certainly no one who knows this guy, it just makes me feel good for a moment. I wish I could do more.

Hey listen, I’m going to put some old timey Dub music on the hiFi and make bolognese…. I’ll be back…

Fuck it hurts, cooking, cleaning, shit like that has to be done in bursts. I am racing the clock to get as much done until its too painful to carry on. This is no life, this is torture. I am sure many of you will be pleased to hear that. sigh. Today is worse because I have been up since 7 spring cleaning. A job that would take a human maybe an hour but probably more like half an hour, it took me until 4pm. Anyway, we aren’t here today to talk about me, lets talk about a young man named Tyree who managed to star in the remake of the Rodney King movies from the 90s. Some things never change huh?

Anyway, the sauce is done and the pasta is cooking. Fuck kind reader, some days I feel so capable that I forget how fucked I am. Euthanasia is probably the only real solution to this problem. Straight up. Any activity I attempt is a race against the clock before my body gives up and it hurts too much, this sucks y’all, g’lawd it sucks.

That was all, oh really I just wanted to share my new song, I think it’s cool. I love you, if you are a human being. Otherwise we will have to talk about it. keep it up, I’m off to Wakanda..

.

Please don’t listen to my music… it’s not for you.

https://mrsomethingelse.bandcamp.com/

xxx Mark Plaque

“pickn my nose…”

-dude I may not be very useful across the board but my spaghetti bolognese is fucking off the charts….

ps SOHAIL go fuck yourself you cunt, your lifetime of book learning comes nowhere near my 40 years of opioid, benzo, psychedelic and booze use. You are as ineffectual as you are ugly and stupid. You horrible cunt. . Cunt. CUNT. did I forget to call you a Cunt? Cunt? Well, just in case, you are a a cunt.

Bauxilitus and the courage of fifty Lions

I wrote most of this album the year I went to bed and stayed there with my laptop, cut rate booze with the odd joint thrown in for months and months on end. I think it’s one of my best records. It’s raw and grimey and brutally honest. “Chemical Serenity” and “Settling group Blues” in particular but there isn’t a track among them that makes me cringe…. plus it was back when I did vocals and it’s got some really amazing moments. “Walk The Plank“, for instance, is a fucking barnstorming stomper!!!!!

I hope where ever you are, Ruckersville Virginia or Bluff New Zealand, that you are safe and loved and thriving doing things you love.

Please give it a listen, I am really proud of this one… The best lyric, in my humble onion is : “We maintain a wardrobe like a ninja in the dark of the night”.

Otherwise…

xxxx Markle Sparkle

Boil Up

me and my cousin Michael made a boil up today for 20 people…

Rediscovering Rhinotomy

At the time of her demise, this was one of Trishees favorite songs. I still can’t get through it without weeping, great body wracking sobs. I miss her so much. I just can’t come to terms with how someone I loved so much could have such crap taste in music… heh. xm

Confronting Shitheadery

What’s up Dingus? More vivid as fuck dreams last night, I assume it’s only going to get worse/better. There are still volleys of small earthquakes and I still have a bug out Bag/Looting Kit ready by the door just in case. I feel really ill, its my kidneys, they play up maybe 3 out of every 7 days and there’s not much I can do to affect it, believe me I have tried everything. Its this fever/nausea/restless/painful/uncomfortable thing, there’s no way to be or thing to do that changes it and when it lifts, gosh, its like the sun coming out from behind a cloud.

I was just watching a documentary about sperm donor-ship and infertility. These are people who desperately want a child, that go through so much heartache, expense and anguish and yet I’ve been blessed over and over again. I was so good at babies kind reader, from infants right up to first days of school. I loved it and I was great at it, I never got flustered or impatient when they stumbled, well, apart from a few isolated outbursts but every parent loses their rag at least once, anyone that says they don’t is a liar. But then it’s like when they could get themselves to school I’d be like “rightyoh kid, your on your own, I’m going to get drunk with my mates” and fucked off into the wild blue yonder. I have abjectly failed as a Dad and a Grand dad. It’s a hard thing to live with and even harder to try and fix. Given my mental health at this stage I am basically a sack of meat that gets up and goes to bed with fuck all but coping in between.

It sucks because, dearest friend, I really was good at it, I have so many good moments, I was the naughty Dad, hmm, I’d better reword that, I was the mischief Dad, I was easy to cajole into things and they knew it. I was spontaneous and generous, encouraging and supportive, a facilitator of fun and a co conspirator in trouble and then, just like that, I was gone… And now all those things don’t mean shit because you have to stick around to claim any honors and I did not.

Bah, making my fat face leak salty tears. Anyway, that’s what I was just thinking. I am waiting for my body to catch up with me and then I am going to try and make some music. I guess that’s really all a heavy (figuratively and literally) broken heart like this is good for, creating art.

On the flip flop.

m

Rūaumoko

Hi Friend, happy birthday. I live on the “Ring of fire” the big circle of volcanism that sort of circles the pacific ocean. The same fault lines that threaten to send California off into the ocean or that light up Hawaii so that you can see it glow at night from space. We have had a flurry of small shakes over the past 48 hours and they just keep coming. I have a bag ready to go. Sturdy boots, a change of clothes, water, a knife a can opener, a claw hammer, a few days worth of medication, some big plastic bags, a couple of good books, my phone and lappy um… oh yeah coloring pencils and a sharpener. that’s about all. The pencils and books are for if I get stuck in a civil defense center or something.. There are a couple of volcanoes and fault lines here that are overdue for a blat. It’s no joke, Christchurch got fucked up a few years back and I don’t wanna get caught with my ass out.

https://www.geonet.org.nz/

(There have been two earthquakes in the space of time it took me to write this!)

This was only a week or two ago, the height of summer… hail as big as a marble….

I’ve been working on a track for a content creator that I admire, I’ve just stopped working and realised I’ve spent the whole day at it, I get lost and forget all the things on my mind, all I think is “1,2,3,4”. I think everything’s going to be ok. There were a couple of days at the end of December that got pretty dark but I have made some changes and whilst it is only feeling better incrementally I still feel better by miles. Depression, anxiety and PTS the fucken dream team. pfft, fuck.

Fuck I’m down a few friends this year too. I have a knack for it dearest reader of mine, ole buddy old pal…. I had a dream last night, I can’t remember it now, just sitting here but I jumped up and wrote it down. Actually now that I am thinking about it, some of it is still there fresh.

THE DREAM

I stole some mail from someones doorstep and it turned out to be the new Lamborghini box model, the whole car is made of cardboard, from the packaging. It turned out to belong to someone from Hamilton tht I know of but I don’t know so I wont use her real name, she only appeared as the name on the box. Lets call her Backspin McCartney, it will be important later. Once the car was assembled I boosted it out to raglan to go to a nye festival.

THE car was really cool, you could folds it up and take it with you. I could see the festival off in the distance, there were roller coasters and millions of people but I bumped into my friend Odee and we went to this cafe which was part cafe part new york Italian restaurant with an office and smoke filled dark room at the back with gangsters playing cards, pool tables and stuff except the front was a nice bright cafe with wood floors and big windows. The bar man/barista was a mean old danny devito dude and he kept slipping into the office out the back to consult with this old god father type character. A guy I know called Talcum Powder was in there and he spotted backspin Mccartneys name on the box and ran off to snitch..I sat there with odee and some others and listened to my friend alicia sing, her brother was there too. After that we all decided to go someplace else.

When we left the street was a street in dunedin except still raglan. As I was crossing the road I saw a lady trying to push a trolley full of produce so I raced over to help but I only made it harder and she politely asked me not to help. Then we went to spend some time with this homeless person outside a bin inn (A food wholesale franchise in New Zealand… maybe in other places too) and this tiny kitten come over, it was still all goopy from being just born so we go to find the mama cat except when we found her the rest of the litter were hairless reptilian jet black slick glossy monsters. I decided to go and get some cat food but as I was going into the shop that lady was trying to push another trolley up the stairs and, again, I only made the situation worse and this time shes a bit more forceful. So I go into the shop and find cat food and I am looking at beer and wine and then I see that same lady and this time she is pushing the trolley down the stairs so, once again I try to go to help and this time she goes mental.

Most of the rest of the dream was spent driving my box car around. (wouldn’t you?) I think there was some kind of break down. I didn’t make it to the festival but it was cool to see Alicia and odee.

Other peoples dreams are fucking boring huh? Sure does beat waking up in a cold sweat dreaming about her though, doesn’t it?

Thanks Kind Reader, I hope you are safe, loved and happy. Pack a bag if you are in The North Island… just in-fucking-case… at least have some bottled water and food stashed away….

xxxM

Sociopathy, Blisters and Horse Play

Zap to The Extreme from New Zealand friends, allies. whānaus, haters and nosy parkers.

It is currently sweltering here in the sub tropics. My mate stevo the devo gave e a water cooler and boy howdy it is a wonderful machine! I have been tracking electricity use and i cant spot any significant change. I ran a common house fan for 24 hours just before christs stupid mass and that mother fucker cost me ten bucks a day. Considering that my whole house tends to use about 2 or 3 dollars a day you will forgive me for using it super sparingly, if at all. This water cooler however… it’s a doozy. Plus I can stand around it swapping gossip with my co workers…

I’ve been making music and I’ve recently also been given a banjo and a proper tea chest bass. The Banjo I can throw around the place like nobodies business but the string bass is a bit harder. You don’t fret them, apparently, its all in string tension. It has a nice big heavy nylon fishing line on it and when played together with banjo , guitar or mandolin, it sounds like the dust-bowl, really cool. My mate Matt has been working on an album and I’ve been trying to help out. Here’s a sneak preview…. I am sure you will agree it sounds fantastic. I think I am doing the fiddly guitar and note bends, hard to tell. I did a bunch of stuff on a couple of songs and I am working on b-sides and remixes for later n when he’s famous and we need extra stuff for the European releases… Hah, as if that’s a thing anymore since the internet.

Speaking of which, I was day dreaming the other day and realised I was day dreaming about my favorite you tuber (Nathan/Dad/Kieth Apicary) shouting me out or mentioning me in one of his videos. I need to get off the couch, spend more time on the drum kit, behind a guitar, in the garden or out of the house. Hehehe. It wasn’t a massive penny drop moment, just a little giggle to myself about how lame I am.

I guess dropping a blog post is the opposite of getting off the couch but typing is one of my happy places and it’s where I get to listen to Tupac, Nipsey and Pop Smoke today.

My Garden is doing good. I have some stuff just starting and I have already harvested others. I am really enjoying it. Its over grown and I can only weed for ten minutes at a time, five on a shitty day, and I get those more often than not. I have cherry tomatoes, a bunch of different chillis, parsley and PUHA! (Sorry, I get a bit excited… it’s not hard to grow, its a common weed here.) I also have spuds out the back. Out the front I have three or four varieties of flowers that grow to 9 or 10 feet, I am hoping that the afternoon sun will get filtered through them and my lounge will be lit up with color. Next week I have set some money aside to get some paints and brushes, maybe some canvas if I can afford it. I have been broke for weeks now. I got a cheap little car (Its a real Gem, uses fuck all gas and is tidy and the engine and stuff are in good order. It is Pink though…). Anyway there were some issues with it and so it took me a few weeks to get back on the road, yeah, next week I’ll be able to get some art supplies.

Fuck I got really sick late Dec. I woke up one day with a huge bump on my head. I had no idea where it came from, it was really tender, like someone had bashed me with a hammer. It was like half a golf ball. Paranoia went off the charts. I’d been out in the garden the day before and I thought maybe I’d donked my head during that mission (I tend to be pretty rough) but, dude, I have no memory of harming myself. My second idea was that maybe something real nasty had bitten me. After that I had a shower and started my day, eventually forgetting about it but fingering it now and then before self reproach kicks in. I am a notorious scab picker, pimple popper… a nose picking, earwax smudging, dandruff shaking asshole! I draw the line at the midriff though, come on now… Where was I ? Oh yeah….

So three or four days go by and I wake up in the middle of the night feeling nauseous, feverish and restlesss, uncomfortable don’t quite come near it. I made a cup of ginger tea because in teh past that has usually worked for this sort of feeling. This is at 4:30am and I just feel terrible. I break out the Rat Tests but it wasn’t covid. I vomit twice and its at this point I turn my fan on because I just cannot get cool, I am cold sweating, I cant sit, lie or stand and its 4 hours until my GP is open or my pharmacist opens (I’ve gotta go their anyway, wink wink) because once I talk to one of those people I might be able to fix this horrendous shit. I haven’t been touching the egg on my head, much, because I am worried if it really is infected and it gets into my blood stream. I have lived through a family member dying after someone treating a boil at home and I don’t wasn’t any of that.

When I get to the chemist I decide to grab my meds, take em home and take them to see if that helps before I ask for help but the drive home is dizzy and nausea so after being home for five minutes I go back up to the chemist, describe the situation and I bought some stuff to treat it however they urge me to go to my GP asap. At this point my neck hurts, my upper torso aches. It’s not the pain, its the not being able to feel comfortable or pain free. My GP is on holiday unto mid jan so I decide to make the most of the supportive meds (Betadine for the infection and Paracetamol for the fever) and treat it with home remedies (yeah I know….).

It worked and today, a week later, the egg is the size of a small scab. A scab I intend to protect from pickery as much as possible. Now…. in the past I’ve had boils on my head but they all popped and gunk came out and then a little betadine, some cotton buds and warm water. More often than not they burst when I am asleep but once one of them popped while I was awake and I swear it made a crack popping sound.

I’m going to leave it there just for a while Friend.

Wow it’s really windy here. Gusty blustery wind. All these little changes in the weather that I think most folks don’t even notice are happening more and more. There are a few coastal communities here in Aotearoa that are losing land at an astounding 1rate. But the years in between that don’t seem to have any significant events or changes to the land/sea/riverscape, these are the years that reinforce climate change denial.

Sheit… as I type this I can see a massive summer storm rolling in, I can smell it on the wind. It was blistering hot this morning when I started typing this. and I’ve gotta say that I prefer the wind and rain and lightening and thunder way more than “Stinking hot”.

So I am wondering what I am going to paint. Fuck I miss making art. I draw and I do collages but I have been so depressed. I don’t even fucken read anymore. I get out of bed but honestly, even taking a shower hurts and by the fucken time I’ve done all that stuff I am fucked. After a cup of tea I try to do some cleaning and gardening or go out and do stuff but all of it ends up being intolerably painful and by the time I get done I am hurting, resentful, angry and fucking over it all.

Hey for any of you that give a shit… Liquid Chris is back and he’s as good as he ever was! That was my chriss Mass present! I hope you got similarly blessed and had a good and safe holiday with people you care for. I made some decisions recently. No a resolution, I discovered at a young age that New Years Resolutions are the call of the demented asshole bird…

Speaking of Birds… this one blackbird keeps coming into my house and making itself at home. At first I panicked, heh, I probably squealed a bit, that’s not entirely unlikely….. I like him, Ive been encouraging him now. Not sure what to call him yet, maybe Bob?

Be good and if you have to be a cunt don’t beat yourself up…..

xox Markie The Sparkle