Finally…

Scientists in Zurich announce that they have successfully bred a litter of Pigs that are thriving on a diet of crude oil and plastics. The animals are the result of decades of careful genetic engineering and gene sequence tweaks. The Pigs have highly advanced internal origins designed to be able to thrive on this unusual diet. Speaking to Dr. Phillis Bedweever on Friday she stated that whilst the health of the animals is promising the next phase is to try to implant the organs into Human hosts. The long term goal is two fold; combating hunger and poverty on the one hand and cleaning up the planet on the other. Future humans just may be sitting down to a meal of oil spills and discarded single use plastics. Cleaning up the environment and a healthy happy snack!

Human rights groups and antifa have been a constant threat to the program. The group of just 15 animals has had to be moved twice to secure, secret locations following an incident in 1983 in which an entire sample group as well as the laboratory was raised to the ground after PETA activists gained access with I.E.Ds. After Chinese scientists successfully transplanted a kidney grown in a porcine host into a human, hopes are high in Zurich that they could be testing human subjects within the decade. The end finally in sight for pollution and poverty.

Mark Tupuhi sun 2 July 2022